Why Are DMs Important?

Original post is The BellaKitty’s found at: https://fetlife.com/users/19917/posts/1136092 – please include this if reposting and permission may be requested through The BellaKitty’s profile

**Why Are DMs Important?
© 2012 The BellaKitty**
May be shared with permission and credit given.

This picture and some recent reports of accidental injury have inspired me to put to words something I have been playing with in my head for some time now. Why are DM’s important?

DMs, Dungeon Monitors, those people whose sole responsibility it is to impartially keep those playing safe.

While working, they are not there to socialize, to be friendly, or to play. They are there to keep people safe. There are many private parties that feel they do not need an ‘official’ DM – everyone can watch out for each other.

This can be true, but what if you do not know some new attendees, do not know their skill levels, do not know their experience? This picture is only one example of what might happen, it is not the first ‘scene gone wrong’, nor will it be the last. DMs have a place, a responsibility, and are often both underrated and seen as unnecessary.

What does a DM do?

Before the party:

Checks equipment prior to the party to confirm it is functioning correctly – this includes testing it for stability under stress and for hardware issues.

Checks the spacing of equipment to ensure the safety of those using it as well as those who might be in ‘backswing’ areas.

Checks with party-givers and confirms rules for the party and any scenes that are planned that might require extra attention (this include everything from edgier role play scenes like abduction or take downs to confirming that someone who wishes to do needle or fire play is qualified to do so)

During the party:

Patrols the playspace and ensures it is kept free of errant toys, people, and trash.

Actively watches not just those scening, but those around the scene as well. Safety extends to all attendees.

Actively listens to the sounds around them, listening for sounds of arguments, toys or equipment sounding off, items dropping or breaking, or other noises that can warn of potential issues.

Communicates with the other DMs to make sure that everyone is on the same page; if there is a borderline concern, a second pair of eyes can help confirm the best way to handle the potential issue.

Remains calm, level-headed, and approachable; not cocky, smug, or bossy.

Is ready and willing to intervene as necessary to ensure the safety of those attending and to enforce house rules

Retains impartiality and acts in all fairness, whether the people involved are close friends or complete strangers.

Must be able to be assertive and firm if the situation calls for it and know when a softer approach will achieve the same goal.

Monitors for accidental injuries such as blood drawn and ensures proper first-aid is given. If the DM is the one administering the first-aid, a replacement DM should be brought in to supervise that play space.

Monitors scenes for fainting, collapsing due to subspace, and other instances where the players might have need of some assistance to safely handle the situation, such as an asthma attack. This includes tops and bottoms as well as audience members.

Is prepared to handle visits from law enforcement, attendees with questions, and possible fights calmly and efficiently – and knows when to call in assistance from others on the DM team.

Checks on scenes involving fire, blood play, wax play, etc. to ensure that all proper safety precautions are in place prior to play. Makes sure the parties involved have been vetted by someone competent to vouchsafe for the skill level of those involved and that all DMs are aware of the scene so that crowd control can be implemented as needed. (This includes sharps boxes, first aid materials, wet towels, plastic sheeting, garbage cans, etc.) The DM can and will disallow a scene if the proper safety measures cannot be put into place.

After the party:

Meets with the DM team and/or party hosts to discuss any issues that came up and what might be adjusted and improved for the next party

As you can see, this is NOT something that can be focused on properly if you are also an attendee, a host, or have other responsibilities.

DMs are NOT there to stop your scene, they are not there to ruin your fun, they are not there to throw their weight around and run the show.

DMs are there to make sure you can have your scene without someone getting tangled in your single tail, they are there to ensure your fun is unimpeded by outside issues, and they are there to make sure the show goes on without a hitch – for EVERYONE’s enjoyment and safety.

Some of the comments on the picture mentioned above are telling – Where WERE the DMs? Birthday candles are not a safe scene item in this context. Was the top vetted by anyone to confirm the skill level? A scene involving fire and/or blood should be discussed with the hosts and DMs ahead of time, was it? I am not calling out those involved, sometimes you can do everything right and still have tragedy. I do know that these questions will be brought up at our next DM meeting to ensure that we do not have holes in our safety precautions that we have missed.

DMs are not just random, deputized party-goers – DMs volunteer their time and are trained on what to look for, how to handle it and when to get someone with experience in an area such as needle play to monitor the play.

If you do not believe DMs are important; if you believe that they are just full-of-themselves types who want to act like bad mall cops, please, reconsider your position.

DMs are peacekeepers, they are the party ‘first-responders’, and sacrifice their own social and play time at the party to work and to make sure that you can play safely.

If you have any questions on anything I have written here, please feel free to fetmail me.

Play hard, play safe.

Love and Laughter,

Bella~